


Act Like It

by TlKl



Series: 우리는 family [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Chan, Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, I'm Sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kim Seungmin is a Sweetheart, Kim Woojin Being an Asshole, Misunderstandings, Seo Changbin Being an Asshole, This spiraled out of control real quick, Yang Jeongin | I.N is a Sweetheart, author regrets nothing and everything, but it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-07-20 05:37:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19987000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TlKl/pseuds/TlKl
Summary: "Changbin watch your tone, I'm still your leaderandyour hyung.""Then be one for once and fix this. Act like ithyung."~~~~~~~~~~~He didn't mean for any of this to happen. Things just got out of hand.





	1. I don't care

From the moment Chan opened his eyes he knew that something was gonna go wrong that day. The insistent ringing of his alarm clock did nothing to alleviate the pounding headache that was threatening to render him useless for the day. Looking back, he hasn't been feeling all that great for the past few days. Constant practises and late night producing sucking up all of his energy and by default his health. He doesn't have the luxury of feeling sorry for himself now though.

 _That's what I get for staying up until ass o'clock and getting an hour of sleep._

Chan groaned as he finally shut the alarm off, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to grudgingly get up. He passed by Changbin's bed, shaking his head fondly at the younger who had fallen asleep with his laptop in his lap while working on the tracks. Chan was surprised that he had been so out of it when he came to bed he didn't even notice the younger producer. He decides to let him sleep a bit longer, god knows he's cranky when he lacks sleep.

The flurry of movements catch the second oldest by surprise as he enters the kitchen, the world going blurry for a second as Felix accidentally stumbles into him in his haste to reach the bathroom before Jisung.

"Sorry hyung." Chan just waves him off and rubs at his eyes to try and make the blurriness go away. It's chaos really, he doesn't know who goes which way but it's nothing new. With the comeback just two weeks away they're all running low on energy and patience.

"Morning Channie." Woojin's smile is radiant and Chan admires him for being able to keep It there even at 6am. He approaches the vocalist who is standing by the stove, trying to save the eggs from burning even if to Chan it seems as if it's a fruitless job. Ok, so maybe Woojin isn't good at everything early in the morning.

"Morning Woojin. Sleep well?" On second thought, that might not have been the best question to ask the older, Chan knows he'll turn the question on him and Woojin will most definitely not like the answer.

"Mhm... Did you manage to catch more than the usual three hours by any chance?" Woojin frowns at the expression Chan makes.

"Is that supposed to be a smile?" Chan scoffs but has half a mind not to roll his eyes. Instead of further laying into him, Woojin turns back to the stove with a sigh and Chan feels cold.

"At least you'll get to sleep in the next three days."

Ah right. 

JYP decided to give then a few days off before the comeback just to get their spirits back. It just so happens that the days aligned with his birthday being smack in the middle of it. Chan manages a small smile. He can't wait to spend some time with the boys just lazing around and having fun. Everyone has been on edge lately and the tension has been wearing at them, making them snappy and annoyed with one another. Chan didn't like that, he wanted his boys back.

"Children, let's eat." Breakfast goes by in relative silence. A few snarky comments and banter thrown in by the '00 line but other than that they're all too tired to make more significant conversation. 

After breakfast they pile into the vans that will take them to the company building for their dance practice. That's on their schedule today, dance practice and a schedule meeting after they wrap up. 

By the time they arrive at the building Chan's headache has reached new levels of annoying and painful and for a moment he regrets getting out of bed that morning. But it's okay, he just needs to push through today and then he can rest all he wants tomorrow. They start on their dance practice, going though some of their old choreos and the new ones, repeating the tracks over and over again. By the third hour Chan's vision starts to swim. As soon as their choreographer calls for a break, he slips to the ground to lay down for a moment. The others don't need to worry over him on top of everything else. Hyunjin has been snapping at everyone during the three hours and Chan just didn't have enough energy to deal with it, he's lucky enough that Woojin took the reigns without him having to ask him. Of course Jisung didn't appreciate Hyunjin's attitude and suddenly Chan is brought back to the trainee days when the two couldn't stand each other. He almost chuckles fondly but decides that enough is enough so he forces his tired body to cooperate and gets up from the floor. He claps his hands to get their attention and thank god they respect him because otherwise he would've been screwed.

"That's enough boys I know we're all tired but let's push through today and we can rest all we want tomorrow." He sees their shoulders deflate, he knows Hyunjin feels bad and it's clear when the young dancer apologizes, Jisung following his lead. Jeongin throws his arms around their shoulders, his bright smile lighting up the room and lifting the tension instantly.

"Chan-hyung is right... hyungs. Let's keep it together for today and then we can relax. I can't wait to spend some time with my family." 

_Oh?_

"That's great Innie. Are they coming up?" The maknae shakes his head and fakes an exasperated look.

"No Channie-hyung. I'm going down to Busan tomorrow, I already told you multiple times over the past few days. Do you listen to me when I talk?" Chan feels his cheeks redden a bit in embarrassment.

"Sorry Innie, It must've slipped my mind." So Jeongin won't be there for his birthday. That's okay, he knows the younger misses his family greatly and Chan would rather he spends some time with them. 

"Silly hyung. I would assume it also slipped your mind that Seungmin-hyung and Hyunjin-hyung are coming with me." Chan just scratches his head with a small chuckle. It seems that his embarrassment lifts the tension a little as the others all chuckle.

 _This is fine. It's not like they promised me or anything._

Chan shakes his head to get those bitter thoughts out of his head, he shouldn't be selfish. That was a mistake though. He has to grit his teeth to stop a yelp from escaping him as the pounding in his head gets worse. He lets out a shaky breath when it eases off a little and looks at the boys with a smile.

"Let's get back to practice. The sooner we get this right, the sooner we can leave and go sleep." 

It isn't after another ten hours and multiple breaks that the boys are finally done for the day. They're all sprawled out on the practice room floor, panting breaths leaving them and fogging up the mirrors. They're sweaty, tired, their bodies hurt like hell, but they're finally done.

"Sometimes I regret not sticking to just producing." Jisung's comment sets of a series of tired chuckles and they just lie there until they're sure they can move without their limbs giving up on them.

"Boys go shower and set up in the small conference room. We still need to go over the schedules and the final fixes from the tracklist." Woojin's words make everyone, including Chan, groan slightly but the youngsters obediently shuffle out of the room. Felix almost falls flat on his face but other than that they make it out okay. 

Then there's only two of them. Chan knows he's in trouble, he's seen the sideway glances Woojin has been throwing him throughout the whole day. He doesn't open his eyes as he hears the older sigh and then footsteps approaching him.

"How bad is it?" 

_Well shit._

"How bad is what?" Of course, Chan knows playing dumb will only get the other frustrated with him but it's a knee-jerk reaction. Play it off like nothing is wrong. He opens his eyes when Woojin scoffs and Chan's heart drops a little. The other is looking down at him from where he's standing, just a few feet to his side.

"Don't play dumb with me Chan. I've seen you holding onto your head. Plus, you've made way more mistakes than usual." 

_Ouch?_

"It's just a headache Woojin. Nothing major." Woojin's jaw tightens and Chan frowns in confusion. What is Woojin getting so pissed off about?

"You promised me multiple times that you won't overwork yourself and you break that promise every single time Chan."

"Woojin I don't exactly have a choice now do I?" By now Chan feels his own temper rising, but more than that, he feels nervous. Woojin is acting irrationally and he has no idea why. He sits up and carefully rises to his feet. Carefully, because the world seems to be tilting again and he doesn't want another meeting with the floor when he just got up.

"I get that you're worried and i appreciate it but I'm a grown man Woojin. I can take care of myself. Besides, I'm doing it for the fans and for you guys. Because I want to give you the best music I can and you can be proud to perform it. Why are you acting like this?" The rapper sees Woojin's eyes soften a little at his words and for a moment he hopes that this whole thing is over and they can just go to the damn meeting.

"You say you can take care of yourself but then you go and pass out in your studio because you don't know how to take care of yourself. You're doing it for us I know, I never let that slip from my mind, but what about all the times we spent hovering over you because you spent yourself so much you couldn't even sit up?? You make us worry, whether you wanted it or not, and it's not helping us in the slightest." 

The older's voice grew louder and higher during his rant and by the end of it he was positively shouting. Chan found himself flinching slightly, from the pain in his head and from being startled. Every step Woojin advanced on him, he took back. At the end he found himself pressed against the wall, Woojin standing a few steps in front of him. He doesn't know how to act, Woojin never raises his voice at them. So he just sort of stares at the older, truly looks at him for the first time in a while. He's aware he's not the only one that's been suffering from tiredness and the stress, but seeing and paying attention to the slumped over shoulders and frustrated eyes of Woojin makes him try to swallow past the lump in his throat. He feels extremely small under the other's scrutinizing gaze. Woojin never got angry, and Chan never had that much frustration from the older aimed at him.

"I'm sorry Jinnie... I'll make sure not to worry you guys so much anymore." Even his voice trembles a little as he tries to maintain eye contact but he also wishes he didn't try to. Because as soon as the words leave past his lips the other's eyes harden again and he let's out a scoff, passing by Chan and not giving him a glance as he picks up his bag and heads for the showers.

"Whatever, _try_ and do that. I don't even care anymore, take care of yourself." Chan flinches as the door slams shut behind him, finally giving in and letting his legs buckle under him. He curls up on himself, having no idea what just happened. He has never dealt with angry Woojin before. The tired leader takes a few deep breaths to calm himself, his throat feels tight and his head Is killing him but he can't afford to let himself break down now. They still have some work to do, he'll settle things over with Woojin when they're all back at the dorms. Possibly tomorrow after they all have a good, _long_ night's sleep and aren't out for blood. 

_Yeah_ , he tells himself as he opens his eyes and drags himself to a standing position, _everything will be just fine soon._


	2. Act Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan wakes up feeling content after a while. Too bad it doesn't last long. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second chapter.  
> PLEASE if you think that anything here need a TRIGGER WARNING tell me. There's nothing major in my opinion, no sensitive topics except for some self-deprecating thoughs. But please do tell me If you think I need to put some.

When Chan steps out of the shower the pressure in his skull doesn't seem that bad anymore and he sighs in relief. 

_One problem less._

He makes quick work of getting dressed and heads towards one of the smaller conference rooms where he knows the other boys are waiting on him. He has to admit that when he stepped into the showers and found Woojin already in one of the cabins he felt relieved. He didn't have the strength to deal with him again, the rapper also waited until he was sure that Woojin left the room to turn his own shower off and get out. Yes, he's a cowards sue him.

The glass door makes a small creaking noise as he opens them and all attention turns to him. It seems that the shower refreshed them all since they're all looking at him with somewhat doopy smiles, all of them donning oversized hoodies. Well seven out of eight turn. He gives them a smile back and settles in a chair between Changbin and Minho.

"Nice of you to join us." Minho's voice is full of mischief so Chan takes the bait and sticks his tongue out at him and the younger actually reaches up to ruffle his hair.

_Feels nice._

"Okay children, settle down." Felix's deep voice breaks then out of their banter and Chan turns to see him shaking his head in amusement. Jisung takes the chance to try and life their spirits up some more.

"Lix I hate to break it to you but they're both older than you." 

"You don't say." The dry comment has Chan and Minho chuckling and the older finally lets himself relax a little, the tension slowly draining from his shoulders as he leans back in his chair.

"So, here's what we have." Chan takes out some folders out of his backpack and the boys snicker as he struggles to keep them all in his hands without dropping anything. When he finally manages to deposit then on the table without any accidents, he does so with a huff. 

"I hate paperwork." The mumble under his breath doesn't go unnoticed though and Minho and Changbin smile fondly at the older's grumbling. Chan hands out two copies to each member, one containing their tracklist and track details, while the other has a rough map out of their future promotion schedules.

"The tracklist is done, we just need to decide on the title song. Jisungie, Binnie and I rounded it up to two options. Now we just have to choose." The boys around the table nod their heads in understanding, looking at the two bolded tracks on the paper. The three producers spent a lot of time pondering only on the concept, never mind the number of tracks a d working on the actual songs. The others are more than grateful for them.

"Actually hyung about that.." Chan turns to his left, watching as Changbin plays nervously with his fingers and traps his bottom lip with his teeth. The older doesn't think much when he uses his thumb to pop the other's lip out from beneath his teeth.

"You'll hurt yourself. Is something bothering you?" Changbin sighs at Chan's soft tone and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small rectangular silver object.

 _A flashdrive._

"I know the tracklist has been finalized and all.. but I've been working on this track for the past few months and it would mean a lot to me if you could give it a listen and maybe... maybe.."

"..include it in the album?" Chan finishes for him, eyes soft and a small smile on his face. Changbin nods nervously and Chan almost coos. 

_Can't believe people thought he was scary for the full first ten minutes of the first episode._

"Of course Binnie. Although I have no doubts it's great. If it fits with the concept then sure, if not we can include it in our next one." Changbin seems satisfied with that and he squeezes Chan's hand, which had found its way to tangle with his somewhere during the short conversation. A clap bring their attention back to the table and all of the boys seem to be regarding Changbin with proud smiles on their faces.

"Well now that that's settled, let's go over the rest so we can finally go home and I can crash." 

"You're just gonna end up playing fortnite who are you trying to fool?" 

"Seungmin I did not sign up for this disrespect."

"Boohoo." 

The table dissolves into laughter and despite the lingering exhaustion and the slight remnant of a headache, Chan feels like he can breathe again.

An hour later, a mindless reading and groaning and they're done for the day. Chan looks at the clock hanging on the wall as they pack up and start heading out the door.

_1a.m. Huh, not that bad._

Of course, the others would beg to differ so he doesn't comment on the time out loud. He takes a few steps towards the door when a hand wraps around his arm to pull him back. For a moment Chan fears it's Woojin, he doesn't know whether or not the older already got out since he wasn't paying much attention, but when he turns he's met with Changbin's hopeful eyes and a flash drive dangling from his fingers.

"Can you hold onto It until tomorrow or until you listen to it? I'll probably forget to give it to you otherwise." Chan chuckles and takes the drive, safely pocketing it in his jean pocket.

"Sure Binnie, I'll plug it in on the way home and give it a listen as well." The younger smiles and they head outside, piling into the awaiting vans. Just Chan's luck that the only space available is right next to Woojin. Woojin doesn't even spare him a glance and goes as far to scoot away from him. Chan would be lying if he said it didn't make his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He avoids eye contact with the older as he settles in his seat, opting to reach for his lap top right away and plug in the drive. 

He doesn't play the song immediately, going through some files and drafts of his own, letting the bass and the music fill his eardrums through the earbuds. After barely fifteen minutes he feels his eyes starting to droop. Usually he would still be up and running but it seems that after days, weeks, of work the only thing he seems to be running is low on energy. Not wanting to break his promise to Changbin, _like some he already has_ , he thinks bitterly, flinching slightly as Woojin shifts next to him, he clicks on the folder and scrolls to the track Changbin told him about. 

As the first verse plays Chan is once more left speechless by the pure talent oozing off of Changbin. The song needs a few more tweaks to make it suitable for all nine of them but it works great, and it definitely has Changbin written all over it. Chan makes sure to take note of every note, every beat, bass, change, pause, not missing a single detail he lets the melody wash over him. He doesn't know when he dozed off but one second they're on the road and the next someone is shaking his shoulder gently. He blinks his eyes open and tries to focus on the person next to him.

"We're home." For some reason Chan has trouble connecting the voice to a face and the face to a name, his brain muddled from sleep as he moves mechanically. He stuffs the lap top back in his bag, making sure the flash drive is safe in his pocket before he steps out of the car. He stumbles a bit, the sleep hasn't left him yet, and honestly hopes it stays that way so he can just get into bed. A strong arm wraps around his shoulders and he leans contentedly into the warmth. If he was more awake he probably would've brushed it off, especially when he realized it's Woojin who's guiding him. But lucky for Woojin he's too out of it. 

When they enter their apartment all the boys make a beeline for their respective rooms, some to sleep and some to waste a bit more time. Woojin starts to stir Chan towards the younger's room but at the doorstep he tugs weakly and mumbles something but Woojin just catches "Binnie, drive, back". The vocalist sighs, his frustration climbing up once again as he watches his leader stumble towards Changbin's room. Woojin felt bad for the way he snapped at Chan earlier, but he was so _tired_ of watching him work himself to the ground. 

_Whatever._ He sighs and heads to the kitchen, leaving Chan to his own devices.

*  
Chan isn't sure how he managed to get to Changbin's room without falling over but he's happy with it. He would be worried about his current state if he had the strength to but he just wanted to make sure he gave Changbin his drive back and head on to crash until tomorrow. He feels the wall for the light switch but when he can't seem to find any, resorts to putting the drive to the nearest surface possible. Which happens to be a night stand right next to the door. He even pushes it a bit towards the middle so someone doesn't accidentally knock it off. All that seems useless though because as he turns to leave something slams into him and they both stumble backwards, hitting the night stand and making everything clutter to the ground. 

"Shit hyung sorry I didn't see you." Felix groans as he rubs at his hip where he hit the stand with him.

"Language Lix." Okay Chan really needs to get to his bed. All of the movement is making his headache slowly make itself known again and now there's probably a bruise already forming on his lower back and he just wants to _sleep_. Felix must notice that something is off with him because he takes his arm and drags him out and to his own room. He deposits the older Australian to sit on his bed and takes his bag away, untying Chan's shoes along the way.

"Go to sleep, you need it. I'll clean up the mess don't worry about it." The younger adds when he sees Chan Is about to protest. The older curls up under the covers, letting out an exhausted breath as his face contorts under the pain. Felix frowns worriedly but decides to let him sleep for now.

"Good night Chris." 

"G'ni Felix.." He doesn't even sure If Chan knew what he was talking but he let out a chuckle and left the room, Chan already letting out light snores even before the door closes.

*

Chan wakes up to silence. Silence as in, not a single sound resounding through the whole dorm. There's a bit of panic bubbling in his chest before he hears a light snore and sees Minho passed out on his bed. The other two beds are empty and made, it seems that some of Hyunjin and Seungmin's things are missing as well.

 _They must've left with Jeongin already._

Chan ignores the way that realization makes him feel and decides to get up. He's much better after sleeping, a look at his phone tells him it's 11a.m. meaning he had more or less nine hours of sleep. 

After a quick shower he goes to the living room and finds it empty along with the kitchen. He frowns as he heads towards the bedrooms. If they aren't there then all of them are already out somewhere. He knocks on the first door, where Woojin, Changbin and Felix sleep, when no one answers he creaks the door open and finds the two older members missing while Felix is on his bed with a lap top and earbuds in. 

Chan invites himself in and plops down next to Felix, the younger letting out a startled scream. Chan lets out a laugh as Felix clutches onto his chest.

"Hyung! That wasn't funny!" Chan tries to keep it in but he dissolves into another fit of giggles and Felix follows along. The dancer looks at his friend and takes note of the lack of black circles under his eyes and the softness that came with a good, _healthy_ , amount of sleep.

"Are you feeling better today?" Chan's smile falters at the worried eyes and tone. He _did_ in fact feel better after sleeping. But that wasn't what went through his head at first.

_Woojin was right after all. All I do is make them worry about me._

He forces the smile back on his face though, for Felix's sake.

"Yeah, I'm feeling much better actually." Felix opens his mouth to speak again but Chan cuts him off.

"Where is everyone?" Felix's eyes light up right away as he pouts in faux sadness, it makes Chan want to squish his cheeks.

"Changbin-hyung is at the gym, Jisung I have no idea probably out to a PC caffe, Woojin-hyung cleaned out the dorm and went out for a walk and Minho hyung is still passed out as you probably already know. Oh by the way, I had Hyunjin help me clean up the mess from last night." Chan nods along as Felix lists the members and their whereabouts, that explains why the dorm is almost completely empty.

"What are the plans for tomorrow hyung?" Chan finally manages a real smile.

"Well I'm not entirely sure we could-"

"Because Sanha invited Jisung and me over for a sleepover tonight so we would be back tomorrow night."

_Oh._

Chan stumbles over his words as he tries to come up with a coherent answer. He clears his throat as he tries to get his thoughts back on track.

"Knock yourselves out Lixie. You earned some time for yourselves." The smile Felix gives him is blinding and Chan can almost ignore the pang in his chest in favor of the other's happiness.

Almost. 

*

It's almost lunch time when Changbin and Woojin enter the dorm. The younger greets the leader who is sprawled out on the couch with a smile and a quick hug, while Woojin gives him a glance and keeps going.

Chan sighs, he has to fix this. Before the others notice the tension. With a new determination he heads to the kitchen where he knows Woojin went. The slightly older man is sitting at the table with a mug of tea in hand. He looks up at Chan's arrival but as soon as he realizes who it is he tries to get up and leave.

"Woojin wait!" The vocalist freezes in his steps and turns the ice cold glare back to Chan. The other gulps and almost takes a step back but the thought of dragging this on any longer makes him sick to his stomach.

"Can we talk? Please?" Woojin sighs but gestures towards the table and they take a seat across one another. Chan would be worried about the other boys overhearing but he knows that Felix joined Jisung in the PC caffe, Minho is in the studio to get some alone dance time and he hears the shower running from Changbin's room.

"What is it?" Chan instantly shrinks on himself at the harsh tone. He never liked arguing. He never liked arguing with Woojin, he never argued with Woojin.

"I-I'm sorry. You were right." Woojin's eyes soften and he arches a brow at the words.

"I worry you guys too much and just add to the burden. I'll be more careful from now on, promise." 

"Channie I'm sorry too, that's not what I meant. I was frustrated because I was worried. And i worry because i care about you, not because I feel obligated to. I just want you to be healthy and safe." Chan doesn't know when he started trembling or when tears started to cascade down his cheeks but one second he's looking at Woojin and the next he's trying to keep his sobs at bay.

Warmth envelops him as he is brought into Woojin's chest and he quickly buries his head into the crook of his neck. 

"You're not a burden Channie. You'll never be one."

Chan doesn't answer as eventually he dozes off still curled up in Woojin's arms.

*  
There's a bad feeling bubbling in his chest when he wakes up again. He's in his bed alone and the air in the dorm seems tense. Chan snatches his phone from the night stand and squints as the light stings at his eyes. The clock reads 9 p.m. He really seems to be catching up on all of the sleep he lost. He shakes off the phantom feeling of nausea as he gets up and heads towards the living room. He passes the kitchen on the way and catches a glimpse of Woojin at the stove, probably cooking up some dinner for them. When he reaches the living room he sees Changbin pacing up and and down, a frown on his face. Chan is instantly on alert, worried something happened to one of the boys.

"Changbin? What's wrong? Where is everyone?" Changbin stops in his tracks when he hears Chan's voice. There is something weird about the tone the younger is speaking to him in.

"The Evil Twins are at the sleepover and apparently Minho got a call from Jungkook-sunbaenim to join him and the other people who toured with then for a get-together." Chan nods and approaches the rapper cautiously.

"Okay... then what's wrong?" Changbin bites at his bottom lip before turning around abruptly to face the leader. Startled, Chan takes a few steps back.

"Where's my flash drive?" Chan's face pinches in confusion, he doesn't appreciate the tone Changbin is using.

"I put it on the shelf right next to the door in your room Binnie." 

"Well it's not there, I checked the whole room. Twice." Changbin sounds like he's either frustrated or he's about to cry. Probably both. Chan's mouth goes dry.

"Are you sure? I could've sworn I put it there." His thoughts are racing, if the flash drive isn't there then where is it? He used his lap top and cleaned his own room today and he didn't stumble upon it so he certainly didn't have it anymore.

Changbin sighs and runs his hand through his hair, obvious frustration and nerves rolling off of him in waves. 

"The files I have there have _no_ other copies Chan. If I don't find it that's _months_ of work lost. Not to mention the newest track. Which I'm not sure if you even got to listen considering you lost the damn thing." Chan feels the panic rise within him. He messed up bad. 

_Shit. Way to go Chan, great job. You really know how to fuck things up._

"I-I don't know where the drive is Changbin." He lets out a gasp as the younger rounds up on him again. He sees the tears gathering in the younger's eyes and he _crap_ if only he waited until morning, If only he wasn't so damn useless last night. 

"What am i supposed to do now Chris?Huh?! Are all of those tracks just going to magically reappear?! I don't think so!" Chan clasps his hands together to stop then from shaking, he doesn't think it helps much since practically his whole body is trembling.

Changbin is _yelling_ at him. Changbin is yelling at _him_. His vision tunnels as breathing becomes harder. He has to push through. Woojin's voice floats from the hallway as he approaches the commotion, Chan barely registers him asking what's happening. He ignores it however. There's only so much he can take now.

"Changbin watch your tone, I'm still your leader _and_ your hyung." His tongue bleeds where he bit at it as his voice shook throughout the sentence, the metallic taste bitter on it. It helps ground him though, as Changbin scoffs and before looking back at him and Chan has never felt so... so pathetic before.

"Then be one for once and fix this. Act like it _hyung_." The words is uttered with so much disgust that it feels like a physical blow to Chan's stomach. He doesn't get to answer because Changbin packs his bag and leaves the dorm, slamming the door shut. Chan ignores Woojin's worried question and calls to him, batting away the other's arms as he rushes back to his bedroom. He slams the door closed and turns the lock, barely making it to his bed before his legs buckled and sobs ripped from his chest. Time passed slowly in his pain-filled mind, the only things there were the thoughts of how much of a fuck up he was. Even as the clock strikes midnight and the date moves from October 2nd to October 3rd, he stays curled up under the comforter, trying to pick up his own pieces. Sleep takes him two hours later, door not knocked upon and the phone empty from notifications. At least those that mattered. Chan's mind keeps replaying the same thing over and _over_ again. So at the end, just as his mind shuts off from pure exhaustion, eyes red and swollen and face covered in tear tracks, he comes to a conclusion.

He's just gonna have to act like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading it! Please leave comments I'm a sucker for those


	3. What Have You Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan stresses over things. The Busan trio is back and things finally start to make sense.

There's _something_ echoing in his head when he wakes up. Tired. Eyes bloodshot and puffy from crying. It's four in the morning. Meaning he slept for about three hours at the most. 

Chan sighs and tries to swallow around the lump in his throat, Changbin's words and his mistakes once again making themselves known. 

_Stupid. Stupid. So fucking stupid._

The problem is he really had no idea where the flash drive was and he could've sworn that he put it in the younger's room. Maybe the lack of sleep that day made him more delirious than he thought and he lost the damn thing instead. 

He's so incredibly tired and he wishes he could go back to sleep but with the constant stream of thoughts it's an impossible feat. Instead he gets up on wobbly legs and tugs on a pair of sweatpants and a black sweatshirt that's a few sizes too big for him.

_Woojin's._ He realizes and he has to fight back his tears once again because he wants nothing more than to curl up in the older's arms and wait for the problems to disappear. But they won't. And he needs to listen to Changbin, whose months and months worth of work are on that stupid drive, he has to be a leader and fix this. 

He grabs his phone and before stuffing it in his pocket he sees quite a few notifications, a few from his family and friends from back home. They all seem to be from late last night but Chan is too tired and too uninterested to check them, also has a feeling that if he does check what it's about it will only make him feel even worse. If they were about something important he would've gotten a call.

With that he heads out, as careful as he can as to not wake up the other three members who are still in the dorm. The door clicks shut behind him and he takes a deep breath before pulling on his hood and heading into the cold air. Too bad that along the way his hazed over eyes completely missed the numerous monitors showing the time and of course, the date. 

*

He's been slouched over the computer for for hours now, mixing and adding beats. The sun had already set a while ago by the time he turned his eyes away from the blinding light of the monitor. He was almost done with the track.

Chan, on his way to the company building, had decided to try his best to fix the mess he made. Meaning, remake the most recent track Changbin gave him to listen. It's still fresh in his head, his ears having caught every single detail. He almost finished it, a few tweaks and minor details, but nerves were starting to get to him and doubt started crawling in.

_What if the track doesn't end up sounding how it's supposed to sound? Where the hell is the damn drive? What If Changbin ends up hating me forever?_

He chokes back a sob that threatens to get out as all of the pressure starts getting too much. His stomach grumbles in hunger, he hasn't eaten since before his arguement with Changbin, but he doesn't think he can keep anything down. His eyes are stinging, from the lack of sleep last night, crying and on top of that the fact that he spent the whole day in front of the computer. Bottom line, he's feeling miserable. Not to mention the fogginess in his head and the way the tips of his fingers are tingling. 

In one last attempt to distract himself he grabs his phone to check on the lot of notifications from last night. As he swipes across the screen the first one that pops up is from his mother. In fact there's more than one, he recieved a few more throughout the day.

_Maybe i just should've stayed in Australia._

_**Mom; 00:01; October 3rd** _   
_Happy birthday Channie. I'm so proud of you for everything you've achieved so far. I hope you have a great birthday and spend it with your members at your side. I know they'll take great care of you. Take care Channie, may all of your wishes come through._

Chan distractingly checks the date again. October third. He can't help it, he laughs. And laughs. Doesn't stop until there are tears building in the corner of his eyes.

He forgot his own birthday. 

He checks the time, it's 2:30 in the morning.

He really forgot his own birthday. 

There's a bubble of barely kept together hysteria right under the surface, just itching to make him fall.

He scrolls through the rest of the messages with his mom.

10:37 a.m.  
 _I'm guessing you're out with your members since you aren't answering. It's okay, have fun. Call me when you can though I haven't heard your voice in a while._

18:08p.m.  
 _Dad broke his phone by the way so he's sending his good wishes. Hannah and Lucas told us a lot of their friends congratulated you as well, you guys have a lot of fans here. Anyways, enjoy your day <3\. _

Chan doesn't know when tears started trailing down his cheeks or when he started choking on air, but by the time he read through all of the messages he received, including his relatives' and from friends back home, everything is blurry. Then he comes upon a message from none other than their youngest. Just the beginning makes a watery smile appear on his face.

_**The Little One; 15:36; October 3rd**_  
 _Hyung! Happy birthday! I'm sorry that our trip had to match up with your birthday but my family has plans to go out of town the day after tomorrow so I really wanted to see them. Hyunjin and Seungmin are too lazy to pick up their phones because they'll see you tomorrow anyways but they're sending their regards and love yous. Hope the other hyungs make sure you have fun today. The three of us will make the last few days of the break special just for you to make up for not being there. You'll have the best time, promise. I'm sure you won't see this now because you'll be hanging out with the rest but that's okay. Once again, happy birthday, we love you hyung!_

Chan can't help the happiness and warmth he feels at their youngest's words. 

_So the three hadn't forgotten after all._ He breathes a little easier as he closes the tab and goes to the next. There's no point calling him now.

The pressure eases a little as he comes upon his conversation with Woojin, the bar having a number three on it. 

_Did he remember?_

In all honesty Chan wouldn't blame him if he hasn't. He himself didn't remember his own birthday, why would anyone else be obliged to?

_**Woojin; 09:12; October 3rd** _   
_Hey Channie where are you? Are you feeling better? I don't know what happened with Changbin last night but I'm sure you guys can solve it if you just talk._

13:58  
 _I'm getting worried please call me when you see these._

21:23  
 _Chan this isn't funny anymore. Changbin won't get out if his room and when I told him you haven't been home the whole day he didn't say anything. Come back, please._

That was five hours ago.

00:42  
 _You're at the studio?? I can't believe you._

Chan really thought his birthday was of any importance now, when Changbin doesn't want to see his face and he once again managed to break his promise to Woojin. He stopped caring about the stupid tears that didn't seem to have an end to them, struggling to even breathe at this point.

He types a quick message to his mum, telling her he'll call her tomorrow because he's too tired right now, before he dials Woojin's number. It rings a few times before the dialing tone finally stops.

_"Hello?"_

The older's voice is rough and deep, Chan calling must've woken him up.

"Woojin I'm-"

_"Sorry? Is that what you wanted to say?_

Chan's words die in his throat. He really done it now. Woojin continues his tirade without giving him time to answer.

_What the hell were you thinking? I had to lie to Jisung and Felix when they came back home from Sanha's dorm. Even Minho doesn't know you're at the studio again. On a day **off**. We had a conversation yesterday. The day before actually. You promised. Just because you don't have the need to sleep doesn't mean we don't._

_Click_ is heard as Woojin hangs up on him.

It's then that a sob wretches itself out of Chan's chest. The ugly sound appearing too loud in the small stuffed space of the studio. He saves the file on his computer and curls up In the chair, letting out all of the frustration and pain through the salty streams down his cheeks. He's a bit impressed with himself that he hasn't worked himself up to a panic attack.

An hour has passed by the time he can finally breathe again, he's been up for 24 hours straight and he just wants to pass out at this point. 

Too bad he can't. 

He pulls up the track again, determined to finish it as soon as possible. 

*

He hails a cab to the dorm, it's late morning already and Seoul is buzzing with activity. He can't risk anyone seeing him in his current state. Even the taxi driver gives him a worried look, after he glances at the building he came out of though he just shakes his head and mumbles something under his breath. Something that sounded awfully like "they work you kids to the ground".

Chan doesn't have the energy nor the will to comment, the ride home is a blur, so is getting into the dorm. He notices it's empty though. Woojin must've taken the kids out. He goes to shower, feeling dirtier than ever. The warm water only helps to daze him more, and he's two minutes from passing out when he finally steps out. He dresses up in some comfortable clothes and stops by Changbin's room, leaving the flash drive, the one with the newest track on it, on the younger's bed. 

He clutches at his head on his way back to his room, the pounding headache from a few days ago is back, and this time it's ten times worse. 

Entering the room, Chan crawls under the covers, frowning as his body trembles. He feels cold. He grabs his phone to call his mum but it takes him a few tries because his eyesight is too blurry for him to type correctly.

_"Channie! Hey honey how was your birthday?_

The sound of joy in his mother's voice once again brings tears to his eyes. Just when he thought he couldn't cry anymore.

"Hey mum." His voice trembles and of course his mother picks up on it.

_"Are you okay?"_

"Yeah. I'm great. I just miss you a lot." His mother coos on the other side of the phone and he gathers up the strength to smile. 

_"I miss you too baby."_

"As to answer your question. My birthday went great. The members made sure I had fun and that I'm happy. We had a blast. Really."

Every word that got out of his own mouth felt like a dagger he dug into his own chest.

His mother's laughter makes everything worth it though, he doesn't want to worry her.

"I'm glad you had fun." 

After a few more minutes they say their goodbyes and hang up. It's a good thing too because Chan's hand started trembling from the effort of only holding his phone up. Darkness creeps up the corners of his eyes and his limbs fall limp on the bed. His eyes roll to the back of his head and he promptly passes out of exhaustion.

*  
The rest of the boys, minus the Busan trio, file into the dorm hours later, it's nearing dinner time and they wanted to be home when Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin get back in a few minutes. Laughter bounces off the walls from the very moment they step inside. They immediately scatter, each to their own devices, meaning they either go to eat or play video games.

Changbin pushes of a clingy Jisung off his arm with a laugh before he goes to his room to change. He pushes open the bedroom door and his smile instantly falls as the door close behind him. His mind has been preoccupied with the events that took place two days ago. He hasn't seen Chan since then but Woojin told them last night he's with BamBam for the day so he wasn't worried all that much. The oldest did seem a bit tense this morning when he saw that their leader wasn't back yet.

Guilt has been eating up at him from the very moment he turned away from his leader. Were those songs really worth their friendship? 

He sighs as he shakes his head to clear his thoughts, the only thing he can do now is wait for the older to come home so he could apologize. Approaching his bed he notices a small object on top of his comforter. A flash drive. It wasn't the one he lost and he would sure remember if he put it there. One of the others must've forgotten it then. 

"Guys Channie-hyung is home, he's asleep though so don't make a lot of noise." He hears Minho announce to the others in the living room and he feels relieved that at least the older is back home. The rapper pockets the drive and changes his shirt before making his way back to the living room. 

Just as he enters the living area the front door jiggles and creaks and in come the Busan trio.

"We're back!" Jisung hurries to shush Hyunjin's shout, the latter giving him a glare at that.

Changbin snickers at the two. Some thing really never change. It's Felix who approaches them first, hugging them and welcoming them back, the others following suit. When Woojin pulls apart from Seungmin the trio notice the lack of their leader.

"Where's Channie-hyung? We have something for him." Jeongin's giddy tone and Hyunji and Seungmin's excited bouncing make Changbin want to curl in on himself. How was he supposed to tell others of what happened? His thoughts drift though, as he catches the way Woojin's jaw clenches and the oldest almost growls when he answers the youngest.

"He's asleep." Changbin sees the frown appear on Jeongin's face but the youngest shakes it off quickly enough. 

"Oh okay, then we'll let him rest for the night. How was it yesterday?" Seungmin's question is met with confused silence. Changbin glances around, meeting the confused glances of the other boys.

_Yesterday? What was yesterday?_

The prolonged silence makes the three anxious. Why was it taking them so long to answer a question as simple as that? Seungmin's stomach drops at the implication of what it could mean. It's Hyunjin who speaks up, voice low and eyes narrowed in barely contained anger, just in case he's wrong about this. He hopes he is. He really does.

"Channie-hyung's birthday? How did the celebration go?" You could hear a pin drop in the living room. 

Jisung and Felix have their mouth wide open, Minho looks like he wants to throw up while Woojin and Changbin actually have to grab onto a chair each as to not just collapse right there.

They forgot Chan's birthday.

They _forgot_ their brother's birthday. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Changbin flinches back at Seungmin's sharp tone. He's still keeping his voice low as to not alert the boy sleeping one of the bedrooms. 

"You _forgot_?!" Hyunjin whisper-shouts and Changbin honestly thinks he's about to punch them all in a second. Seungmin is looking at them with barely hidden disgust and Changbin has the mind to not look him in the eye. Jeongin... Jeongin isn't even looking at them.

"But-but he was with BamBam yesterday the whole day, today too." Minho's voice trembles a little as he gets the words out and Changbin catches sight of the others nodding at his words. All except for Woojin.

"What difference does it make? Did you at least send him a message?" Seungmin is two seconds away from decking them all in the face, he did not expect this from his friends. Poor boy didn't know that this isn't even the worst of it.

"He wasn't." All eyes turn to the oldest, who looks like he wants to rip his hair out. Changbin was confused for a moment.

"He wasn't what hyung?" Woojin wipes at his face with his hand, as if that gesture alone would make this situation resolve itself.

"He wasn't with BamBam. He was.. he was at the studio the whole day... night probably too." 

_The studio?_

Changbin clutches at the flash drive through his pocket. He races to the lap top on the living room table, no one giving him any thought as he settles on the couch and plugs in the drive. The others are exchanging some words but he's too focused on the name of the file on the drive.

_**Changbinnie's track (I'm sorry Binnie)** _

As he presses play and the first beats echo through his eardrums, his chest constricts. 

_It can't be._

It's _his_ song. The one that means everything to him. Chan recreated it. For him. And he was _such_ an asshole. He rips the earbuds off as the track ends, just in time to catch onto the climax of the conversation.

"What the hell was he doing there on our day off? He promised to stay home and rest!" It's Jisung this time, voice shaky and full of guilt. The oldest shakes his head and sighs.

"I don't know he went to bed after-" he stops then, and his eyes zero in on Changbin. The rapper gulps as all attention settles on him.

"We fought." 

"Well this just keeps getting better and better." Hyunjin's voice gets a but higher as frustration kicks in and he throws his arms in the air. He obviously isn't the only one shocked by Changbin's words. The rest are also looking at him confused. 

_What the hell happened here?_

"What could've possibly been so bad that you had a fight over?" Jeongin finally speaks up for the first time, voice shaky and eyes brimming with tears. 

"He lost... he lost my flash drive. The one with all of my work on it." His voice sounds small to his own ears. He realizes that the things he said to the older were too much.

"You mean the one I found on the floor?" Changbin's neck almost snaps with the speed he looks up to meet Hyunjin's eyes. The younger buries his hand in his jacket pocket and pulls out a small object. 

Changbin's flash drive.

"I forgot to give it to you but I found it while I was helping Felix pick up the mess from the floor in your room."

_No._

Changbin want to cry. He wants to cry and go and beg for Chan's forgiveness at the same time. Jeongin's voice breaks through the tense silence that fell upon them. Tears already streaming down his face. He's looking at them in disgust and anger and... they've never seen the youngest look like that.

"What have you guys done?" 

No one answers. They don't know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't clear the chapter goes through october 3rd AND 4th. Sksksks I'm sorry Channie but things just might start looking up. Thank you for reading and please do leave a comment


	4. Sorry, Don't Apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan gets some cuddles in and mayhaps Jeongin, Seungmin and Hyunjin are the only ones who deserve rights.

Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin ignore the others as they go to unpack. After the initial shock every member save for the three took a seat and has been staring straight ahead as if in a daze. They don't really feel bad. Especially not after Woojin and Changbin shared their... words of choice when they each last talked to their leader.

Seungmin carefully opens the bedroom door, not wanting the creaking to wake up the bundled up form on one of the four beds. They trail in slowly and deposit their bags on the beds. Jeongin takes the liberty of taking Minho's bed. There is no way he's letting anyone else near Chan until tomorrow. 

Speaking of Chan, a sound akin to a whimper reaches their ears and they freeze in their places. Hyunjin is the first to react, approaching Chan's bed to peer at his face. The dancer could swear he heard his own heart crack at the sight of almost dried tear-tracks and the frown marring Chan's face.

 _I'm sorry we weren't here hyung._

This whole situation is just a huge mess.

_Because I forgot to give Changbin his damn flash drive back._

It isn't until another pained sound leaves Chan that Hyunjin is snapped back.

"Should we wake him up?" Seungmin himself looks unsure even as he asks. They know Chan needs to rest but it doesn't look like much of a rest when he can't get some peaceful sleep. 

^^^^^^

Hushed whispers break through the barely there layer of haunted sleep and Chan forces his eyes to open. The room is blurry at first but then his eyes focus on the three worried faces hovering above his bed.

The dancer is the first one to see him awake so he attempts a smile, Hyunjin gives him a sorry excuse of a smile in return and Chan wants to go back to sleep right away.

"You're back?" Seungmin decides to ignore the shakiness and thickness in the older's voice as he approaches the bed with a small smile.

"Yeah we got back maybe an hour ago and we couldn't wait for the morning to see you." Chan smiles then and Seungmin wants to cry at the sincerity of it. 

"Are the other back? They were out when I fell asleep?" Seungmin puts an arm on Hyunjin's shoulder as the latter clenches his jaw and looks away at the mention of the rest of their group. If Chan notices anything about their behavior, he doesn't voice it.

"Yeah they're all here and they're all okay." The hum their leader lets out is enough for them to decide the conversation is over.

What they didn't know is that Chan noticed. Of course he did. He spends half of his time watching them all and making sure they're okay. Hyunjin's attitude was not lost on him, nor were the glances Jeongin kept shooting the two.

_They know what happened, they know i messed up._

"Are you feeling any better?" Jeongin asks, the youngest taking a seat right next to him and latching onto his hand. Chan squeezes back and sits up, his head protesting at the movement but he tries to keep it from showing. They're ignoring his fuck up for now, who knows how long that will last and he wants to appreciate this before they start ignoring him as well. 

"Good, just tired from yesterday i guess." 

The tension in the room suddenly skyrockets as he says that but he chooses not to say anything more anyways, ignoring the heavy air around them. Seungmin must not be that good at taking it though since he takes Jeongin by the hand and excuses them to go and take a shower.

Chan is then left alone in the room with Hyunjin, who looks ten seconds away from either slapping him or crying. Trying to break the silence and the tension he chances a small smile, going as far as to make sure it reaches his eyes.

Hyunjin's whole demeanor crashes then, his face crumbling and tears brimming at his eyes. His voice breaks as he speaks.

"How can you do this? How can you act like everything is fine?!" 

Chan feels the panic spreading because shit, it's happening. He doesn't know what but it's happening.

"Hyunjinnie what are you-" 

"Don't you dare lie to my face and say that everything is okay hyung."

Chan clamps his mouth shut then. An emptiness sets deep in his guts and his face goes carefully blank.

_Here it comes._

"I'm so sorry." 

_Wait, what?_

Chan's expression must've portrayed how baffled he is by the words that came out of Hyunjin's mouth because the younger curls in on himself even more, not raising his eyes to look Chan in the eye.

"Changbin-hyung's flash drive..." 

The leader's throat starts closing up again, he doesn't understand what Hyunjin is trying to tell him.

"...You didn't lose it hyung. I forgot to give it to him after I helped Felix clean up the mess on the floor." When he hears no words from the older he risks a peek and almost wishes he didn't. Chan is looking at him with wide eyes, confusion written all over his face, as if he isn't capable of grasping the concept.

"Jinnie what are talking about? I lost the drive, and along with it all of Changbin's work." 

Hyunjin starts shaking his head insistently, tears escaping from the corners of his eyes. Chan doesn't think as he pulls the younger towards him, who as soon as he's safely in Chan's arms, once again starts mumbling apologies.

"I'm so sorry hyung. This is all my fault. You didn't deserve any of it. Please don't hate me." 

Even though Chan was still trying to get a grasp on the whole situation it was clear that for now his number one priority was to calm Hyunjin down.

"It's okay Jinnie. I'm not mad, promise. You couldn't have known. We can fix this, whatever it is. Okay?" Hyunjin nods against his shoulder and Chan chooses to ignore the wet patch on his shirt cause by his tears. 

The dancer pulls away after a few minutes, eyes red and puffy and sniffling.

"Hyung I can't stress enough how sorry I am. No, listen. It is not okay. The others told us. They didn't have to really, it was obvious by their reactions–"

"Hyunjinnie baby it's okay. They did nothing wrong, I'm the one who messed up in the first place by putting the drive there."

"For fuck's sake hyung!" That definitely gets Chan to shut up. At this point it's become a habit, to shut up when someone raises his voice at him. Hyunjin must've noticed his mistake because his eyes soften immediately and he grabs at the older's hands.

"The flash drive aside, they had no fucking right to talk to you like that. To guilt-trip you and disrespect you. You're our leader, the person we all look up to in one way or another, but before all that you're our precious hyung. Nothing matters more to us than your wellbeing and happiness."

Chan can feel himself starting to shake. The lump in his throat gets bigger and harder to swallow around as Hyunjin continues speaking.

"None of this is your fault. No, if you can reassure me then I sure as hell can remind you of it as well. You need to talk with Woojin-hyung and Changbin-hyung but in your own time. No one is going to push you to do anything you don't want to. We love you hyung, and we just want you to be okay." 

Warm hands cup his cheeks and thumb away at the consistent stream of tears that Chan has no idea when it started. The door opens quietly again and Seungmin and Jeongin come in, carefully approaching and sitting next to the two boys on the bed. 

It's when Jeongin grabs at his hand and Seungmin rubs his back that Chan's resolve crumbles once more and he curls in on himself, head dropping to rest against Hyunjin's shoulder as the sobs wreck over him.

Hyunjin, even though he's still seated into Chan's lap, wraps his long limbs around the older, allowing him to fully hide into his chest. 

"It hurt so much." Chan's voice breaks and Jeongin shushes him, his own eyes brimming but he refuses to let any tears fall. It's time for him to be strong for his hyung, not the other way around.

"I know hyung and I'm so sorry." Hyunjin catches the look Seungmin sends him over the top of Chan's trembling form and he gives the other 00 liner a small smile.

 _I know it's not my fault. Don't worry._ The smile says and Seungmin seems fairly happy with that. Chan's shaking subsides after a while, hiccups and sniffles the only sounds leaving the older. The three younger ones have not let go of him in the past hour, Hyunjin refusing to let him out of his arms and Jeongin and Seungmin patting and rubbing at any part of him they could reach.

He pulls away just enough so his face isn't smushed against Hyunjin's chest anymore and grimaces at the darkened patch on the younger's shirt before speaking up again.

"I feel pathetic.... that something as the rest forgetting my birthday also hurts like this. It's just celebrating getting older." The three freeze. They were hoping to deal with that issue tomorrow, when Chan isn't halfway into unconsciousness. Hyunjin did in fact notice that Chan seemed hotter than normal, and not in the flattering way.

"It's not stupid hyung, birthdays are important." Jeongin doesn't know what else to say, he has no idea how to comfort Chan. Seungmin takes the lead then.

"Let's get a snack and then go to bed now how does that sound? You haven't slept in like two days and I know for a fact you haven't eaten almost as long. It's a miracle you haven't passed out yet." 

Chan doesn't bring up the fact that he in fact did, just he did It on the bed. When Seungmin brings up the food his stomach gives out a rumble and he keeps over at the hunger pains that make themselves known almost suddenly. Guess he was to distracted to notice before.

"Innie can you go fetch Channie-hyung something to eat while we settle stuff here?" Jeongin Is more than happy to listen to Seungmin's request, getting up quickly and leaving only after giving Chan a kiss on the cheek. The small gesture brings the first real smile on Chan's face since this whole thing started. Seungmin gets up from the bed and Chan feels cold where his hand used to be. The vocalist starts bunching up some sheets and pillows, almost falling over, before he goes towards the door.

"Hyunjin can you help me with something?" 

The boy nods and starts untangling himself from Chan's hold. Chan, in his panic when he sees the two heading towards the door, lets out a whimper and reaches for Hyunjin. The younger boys freeze In their steps and Hyunjin is quick to grab the outstretched hand.

"We'll be right back, promise. We just need to take some things from Jeonginnie's room and get Minho his covers and pillow. You know he doesn't sleep with any other." Chan bites his lip and reluctantly let's go, his chest becomes heavy as soon as the two are out of his sight. 

He knows this isn't right, isn't healthy, but he's so _so_ tired of everything. He needs someone. He needs them. His head is hurting again and since the moment he woke up he has been feeling even more under the weather than before he went to sleep. His eyes are heavy and skin is clammy, he should probably take a shower but doesn't have the energy for that now. He doesn't realize his eyes slipped shut until he opens them again to Jeongin shaking his shoulder gently, a bowl of warm soup in his hands. Chan's stomach positively growls at that. Jeongin doesn't comment on the fact he fell asleep sitting up, nor the fact that his body temperature skyrocketed in the past two hours. Not for now. Not until every spoonful of soup isn't safely inside of Chan's stomach, warming him up. By the time Chan finishes the soup – barely with his trembling hands and lolling head – Hyunjin and Seungmin have come back and set off to rearrange apparently the whole room. Chan has no idea how, but twenty minutes later he's nestled under the covers, a wet rag on his forehead cooling him off, and three boys wrapped around him from all sides. 

He doesn't have the energy to think about it though because there, nestled in between Jeongin and Hyunjin, with Seungmin behind the youngest, his thoughts finally drift off and his tired mind and body finally shut off to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is PROBABLY the penultimate chapter. I'm not 100% sure, more like 99%. We'll see sksksks sorry this took so long I love procrastinating. Thank you for reading <333


	5. Couch Sessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan's luck gets a bit worse before it starts to look better

Jeongin wakes up overheated and with his shirt clinging to his torso from the sweat. He also seems to be vibrating. He's drowsy and confused until the cotton-like haze lifts as his eyes open and he takes in his surroundings. The first thing he notices is that it's still dark outside, no light coming through the blinds, it's still the middle of the night. When he looks at the boys sleeping with him, he finds the reason behind his current predicament. Chan, who is still curled up between him and Hyunjin, has his face set into a pained grimace. The leader's entire frame is trembling, the reason Jeongin felt like he was vibrating, and there is heat radiating off of him, hence the overheating.

_Shit._

The wet rag they had deposited onto his forehead before they went to sleep got lost somewhere under the covers in the middle of all the tossing and turning Chan did. Jeongin carefully pulls the covers off of himself and then Chan. He winces as Chan whimpers from the assaulting cold of the October night but he knows that if he wants to get Chan's fever down, the first step is to cool him down a bit. He wiggles his way out from between Seungmin and Chan, careful not to disturb them in their sleep. Although, he doubts Chan would even register whatever he did at this point. 

Once he manages to open the door without it making any unnecessary noise, he tiptoes his way to the kitchen. The light is off when he gets there and he can't see a finger in front of his eyes. For that, he almost has a heart attack when he flips the light switch and he hears a yelp as the light attacks his and someone else's eyes. Jeongin is still clutching at his chest when his vision finally adjusts and he sees a slumped over figure sitting at the kitchen counter and rubbing their eyes.

_Woojin-hyung._

Woojin turns and the annoyance in his eyes immediately disappears when he realizes that it's Jeongin who turned the lights on. The youngest, in turn, brushes past him as he reaches up to rummage through the cabinets for the medicine he knows they keep up there. The frustration at not being able to spot them must've showed on his face because Woojin clears his throat and Jeongin hears the chair screech as he gets up.

"What are you looking for?" 

His voice is uncharacteristically small and quiet that, for a moment, Jeongin feels bad he's been ignoring him.

"Medicine. Chan-hyung is running a fever." 

Woojin freezes at that. 

_Shit, he must've overdone it. Well no shit Woojin, it's not like you told him to fuck off when he wanted to tell you something in the middle of the night. Twice._

"They're in the bottom drawer next to the sink, Minho reorganized some stuff yesterday." He watches are Jeongin wordlessly switches to looking through the drawer, his eyes lighting up a bit as he spots the right kind. Woojin shifts his weight from one foot to another as Jeongin fills up a glass and a small basin with water. He feels like a child that's about to get scolded by his parent.

"How is he?" It's barely audible but Jeongin catches on and his jaw clenches as he wrings a new rag through the water.

"He's sleeping now, although I'm not sure how much it's sleep and how much is unconsciousness." 

Woojin nods even though the younger can't see him with his back turned to him. His mind is bombarded with the scenes of his first argument with Chan, and then of course the phone call. He still has no idea what the hell he was thinking. After his fight with Changbin, Chan locked himself up in the room and Woojin couldn't get him to open, then in the morning he was nowhere to be found and Woojin was close to freaking out. So when Chan finally decided to call at ass o'clock later that day, or the day after actually, all of the worry just left him with a whoosh and was replaced by anger. 

He probably could've prevented this.

"You know, when he woke up the first thing he asked was If you guys got home safe." Woojin looks up to find Jeongin staring at him with cold, wary eyes.

"I don't know what got into you and Changbin-hyung, never mind the fact you failed to remember an important date, but what you two said and did was out of line hyung."

"I know Innie, God do I know it now. And I'm so sorry for it." Jeongin just sighs but his eyes so soften a bit.

"It's just too bad it took all of this to happen for you to realize you screwed up. And I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." With that he gathers the stuff he came for and heads out of the kitchen, leaving the slumped over Woojin alone to his thoughts.

//////////

Jeongin closes the door behind him and puts the things on the bedside table. He takes out a pill from the packaging and pockets it for now. When he looks at the bed he sees that Seungmin had shifted in his sleep and is now plastered into Chan's side, and although that isn't helping with Chan's fever, Jeongin can't help but coo.

Chan one the other hand still has a frown marring his face, trembles shooting through his frame occasionally. Jeongin sighs before he approaches from the side Hyunjin is sleeping on, the boy won't wake up to his own yelling, so when he untangles him from Chan the boy doesn't move a muscle.

"Hyung. Hyung!" Jeongin whisper-shouts as he shakes the leader's shoulder. Chan mumbles something under his breath, before his eyelids flutter and Jeongin meets his unfocused, barely open eyes.

"I need you to down a pill hyung. Your fever is getting too high." Chan blinks stupidly at him a few times before Jeongin's words seem to register and he extends an arm towards the boy. Jeongin chuckles lightly before he grabs onto the arm and pulls the older into a sitting position, slow and careful. After a few whimpers and groans Chan seems steady enough to sit on his own so Jeongin removes the arm he had around his back to unpocket the pill. He considers giving it to the leader but he realizes Chan will probably lose it in the sheets in his current state. So he nudges his bottom lip and obediently Chan's mouth fall open. After safely depositing the pill into Chan's mouth Jeongin quickly grabs the water from the table and leans it for Chan to take a few sips. By the time he returns it and grabs the small basin, Chan is already swaying with sleep and exhaustion. With one hand, the younger manages to maneuver him back under the covers before he settles the cold rag onto his forehead. Ignoring the pained whimpers is extremely hard but Jeongin knows this is for his own good. He caves though, when Chan makes weak grabby hands at him, and curls himself around the older. Chan makes a satisfied hum as he snuggles as close as possible. Even though he cringes when the wet rag touches his own shirt, Jeongin takes his time as he watches Chan fall asleep, carding his hand through his sweat matted hair and making comforting circles on his back with the other.

///////////////

When Chan opens his eyes the next morning he's met with the sight of someone's chest. He briefly registers that it's Jeongin who's holding him close before the uncomfortable heat makes him squirm. The next thing he becomes aware of is the almost painful dryness in his throat. His fever has gone down a little, but it's still there and he still feels like he's floating. Even though he isn't exactly sure whether or not he'll be able to keep himself upright, he doesn't want to wake up the three sleeping boys wrapped around him. They've been up long enough last night. 

Shivers wrack over his body as he pushes the comforter away and stands up. The floor is cold and his slippers are nowhere to be found so he wraps his arms around himself as the cold travels.

Chan makes it to the kitchen okay, with just a couple of close calls where he had to lean on the wall as to not topple over. He's fairly happy with that. The cold water might not be the best thing for his throat but the relief is immediate as he downs the glass in one go. He checks the clock on the kitchen wall and he's surprised that it's already 8 am and yet no one seems to be up yet.

_Well other people have normal sleeping habits unlike me._

There is still sweat sticking his clothes to him and he feels gross so with a new goal in mind he wobbles over to the bathroom. Jeongin will probably kill him if he makes his fever worse so he doesn't make the water hot, just warm enough to be comfortable but cold enough so he still feels the shivers.

When he gets out of the bathroom, dressed in an oversized black tshirt and loose shorts, he makes his way back to the bedroom. He doesn't get there though, because as he passes through the living room someone clears their throat and Chan almost drops the towel he's been drying his hair with. Chan's vision is still a bit unfocused and he's a bit worried it might be Woojin and Changbin, but he manages to recognize the two figures sitting on the couch. 

"Hey boys. What are you doing up?" He tries to keep his tone light and eyes bright but that doesn't seem to appease them since Jisung's eyes stay glued to the floor and Felix looks at him with tears brimming.

_Here we go again I guess._

Chan doesn't bother beating around the bush, he goes and plops himself right between the two, and wraps an arm around each.

"It's okay, I'm not mad at you." 

And it's true, he isn't mad.

Felix shrinks and leans more into Chan. Jisung stiffens for a moment before he turns in Chan's hold to look him in the eye. At this proximity Chan's vision doesn't swim as much, so he gets to see every detail on Jisung's face. Including the pained expression. His words are what makes Chan's own expression falter.

"You aren't mad hyung. But you're hurt." 

Chan doesn't know what to say then. Jisung is right, he's hurt. It hurt to be forgotten. But can he say that to the two boys who are already close to breaking down in guilt?

No, he can't.

"Sungie it's okay I promise. I'm not mad and It's nothing I won't get over." 

His vision blacks out then, for a moment he's worried he's about to pass out but then he realizes it's the forgotten towel now thrown over his head.

"You'll catch a cold if you don't dry your hair completely hyung."

_Minho._

Hands massage the towel into his scalp for the next five minutes, getting his hair as dry as possible and Chan melts into the touch. He doesn't realize his eyes have slipped shut until the towel is moved away from his head and the light attacks his eyelids.

"There, all done. Now scoot I want to cuddle as well." Chan lets Minho push him around until the dancer is settled behind him and Chan is pulled against his chest where he rests his head. Minho starts combing through his still somewhat wet hair and Chan let's himself relax completely. Jisung and Felix are still plastered to his sides and with Minho behind him he feels warm and safe.

"Hyung it's not okay."

_So we're not done yet._

Chan forces his eyes to open and he blinks at Jisung who is looking up at him with wide eyes. Minho's chest rumbled against his back when the younger said it.

"Minho-"

"I overheard your conversation with Hyunjin last night. Don't try to lie to us too. We know we hurt you hyung, and yes we're sorry about it but just because we're sorry doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. As much as it pains us to see you hurting because of our own wrongdoings it's our own fault and you shouldn't try to comfort us by pretending to be okay. We don't deserve it."

Chan's eyes don't leave Jisung's throughout Minho's gentle rant, that's probably why the rapper is the first to reach up and thumb away the tears that escaped. At this point Chan assumed he had nothing left to cry but it seems as if his supply of tears never ends. Jisung's voice is thick and trembles when he speaks, but the younger doesn't allow himself to cry, not now.

"We don't deserve _you_ hyung. There is no excuse for what happened, we've all been so caught up in our own heads that we didn't even stop to think about you. I know hyung. I'm aware that we all have our own lives and families but it's your _birthday_. And we didn't even remember, never mind spend it with you. We love you _so_ much but we failed to show it to you when it mattered." Jisung is crying by the end of it and he curses his lack of self-control. 

Chan reaches his own hand to caress Jisung's cheek and the rapper lets out a sob at the soft touch. Minho hasn't stopped running his hand through Chan's hair and Chan is immensely grateful for that, it gives him ground. There's a new, smaller, hand on his chin then, which tilts his head to the other side and he's met with Felix's gentle gaze and a watery smile. Chan attempts to give one back but fails miserably. When Felix's deep voice resonates so close to him and filled with such gentleness Chan has to force himself not to curl up into Felix's chest and just stay there. And then Felix speaks in english and Chan's mind tumbles.

"I'm still not sure what's up with you, Woojin and Changbin, but you guys can figure that out later. As for us three, we're sorry and we'll make It up to you Chris, as soon as you get better. I just want to see you smile again. We love you, you know that right? Even though we messed up." 

Chan isn't sure if he can form a coherent sentence at this point, since all he can do is listen and let them do whatever. He knows the answer to Felix's question though. So he nods and Felix gives him that brilliant smile of his. He's not lying either, he knows the boys love him. It'll take a little while for the fact to stick again but deep down he knows it. 

He hears a creak and blinks when he sees Jisung coming back in with a glass of water in hand, he hadn't even noticed when he left. It makes him shudder a little.

"Here hyung, take the pill. Your fever is getting higher again and we can't have that." Chan gratefully downs the pill and follows it with a few gulps of water, his stomach churns in hunger but he knows he won't be able to keep anything down yet so he doesn't bother to ask for food.

"Let's get you back to bed so you can rest up. You have a lot of sleep to catch on and the fever needs to go." 

"Okay." Minho barely caught the answer but it was enough for him to shuffle the older, but smaller male so he's curled up in his arms and get up with little difficulty to take him back to bed. They've spent almost two hours cramped on the sofa and Minho is more than happy when he sees the beds put together. Jisung and Felix go ahead of him to shake the three sleeping boys awake. They all startle a little, looking wide-eyed around as they realize Chan is nowhere to be found, only to deflate in relief when they spot him safe in Minho's hold. 

"Our turn to cuddle in bed you guys can take our beds if you want to sleep more." The trio is almost cautious as they leave the bedroom, Jeongin going as far as to whisper a _"hurt him again and I'll end you_ , but the youngest also knows they need this. 

Chan, through the everlasting haze in his mind, manages to keep himself awake enough to wrap his limbs around the awaiting Jisung as soon as Minho deposits him on the bed. Felix and Minho are right behind him, trying to keep some distance not to bring in more heat but it's hard when Chan blindly reaches behind himself and tugs Minho closer. The dancer chuckles but winds an arm around his waist and pats his stomach to soothe him, in turn Felix plasters himself to him and like that they drift off into a more peaceful nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't the last chapter like I wanted it to be obviously lol. We still have Changbin and Woojin left to put on their big boy pants. I loved writing this one actually because umm Chris getting doted on? A concept. Anyways thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it<3


	6. Let's Talk

Changbin slinks back into his bedroom as soon as he hears Minho's voice in the living room.

_At least Chan isn't alone with the emotional duo._

_But who's really the emotional duo in this house right now?_

He closes the door quietly behind himself and rests against it. This whole thing is one big mess. Changbin is halfway torn between groveling at Chan's feet for forgiveness or just bawling his eyes out under the safety of his covers. 

He meets Woojin's tired, almost dazed eyes from where the older is sitting on Felix's bed. Misery likes company so he drags himself over to the older and sits down next to him. The vocalist doesn't say anything as he throws an arm around him and Changbin is more than happy to get as close to him as possible.

"What are we going to do hyung?" A sigh.

"Fix it Binnie. There's nothing else we can do. Apologize, be his freaking servants for the rest of our lives if need be for all I care. We really messed up." Woojin wants to rip his hair out just at the thoughts of his previous actions. 

"Binnie the way I spoke to him, I didn't even let him get a word in. I should've known something wasn't right, his voice was so shaky but I was so angry and worried and I fucked it up. Not to mention it was on his birthday that I didn't even remember." Changbin rubs circles onto his back as Woojin tries desperately to stay calm.

"I keep preaching about his health and safety but look how that ended up." He gives up on fighting the tears.

"I know hyung, trust me. I don't know if I can look him in the eye anymore." Changbin's voice sounds even graver than usual with how choked up he's feeling.

"It's the least be deserves Bin." Woojin feels him nod against his shoulder.

"Was a stupid drive worth it hyung? Was it worth it losing a friend? Hurting a brother?" Changbin doesn't know if he's asking himself or Woojin but he doesn't know what to do with himself at this point.

The somber mood plummets even more when the door to the bedroom swings open.

*

While Minho, Felix and Jisung took their time to shower Chan with love, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin sleepily made their way to the now free beds in the other room. When they walk in though, they are met with the sight of a curled up Changbin resting against a barely awake Woojin.

The smaller boy instantly tenses when he notices them and if the shaky inhale Is anything to go by, he tries really hard not to cry. Woojin snaps out of his half-asleep daze and tries not to show the nervousness he's feeling. Jeongin's heart aches for them. He knows that his hyungs never meant any of the things they said to Chan but he still couldn't help but imagine their leader's hurt look in his head as Changbin threw the words in his direction and the way Woojin completely ignored him. The trio wordlessly threw themselves on one of the free beds, Hyunjin and Jeongin one next to the other while Seungmin splayed his entire frame over the two, effectively pulling out a groan from Hyunjin and a giggle from Jeongin. 

"Shush you fox, I'm trying to sleep here." Seungmin's tone has no bite to it and Jeongin just giggles harder. He lifts his head up from the pillow and makes eye contact with Changbin and Woojin. 

"Good morning hyungs." Jeongin even goes as far to give them a smile. There's no point in trying to stay pissed at them when they obviously feel bad already, they just need to fix this. Woojin tries to give him a smile back but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

"Is... is Chan feeling any better?" Jeongin feels Hyunjin and Seungmin tense next to him and he sits up on the bed, effectively making Seungmin tumble down on top of Hyunjin with a grunt.

"A little yeah, the other hyungs are with him now, I think they're napping." Woojin just nods and seems to process what Jeongin just told him. Changbin also deflates a little at that, his eyes skirting over the two other boys in the room. Hyunjin catches him looking and raises a brow, almost challenging him to speak. The dancer had to admit that he never saw the older boy look so small before as he looked now. Curled as close to Woojin as possible, almost seeking shelter and protection from the three of them. Seungmin opens one of his eyes, lazily looking at them from where his face is smushed against Hyunjin's chest. He seems bored.

"Is it safe to say you two finally got your shit together?"

"Seungmin-hyung!" Jeongin's shrill exclamation goes unnoticed, Woojin and Changbin look everywhere but at the younger vocalist as they nod sheepishly.

"About time. If he wants to even speak with you I suggest you fix this as soon as possible because I'm really close to disrespecting you on a whole new level." Seungmin still hasn't moved from his spot but his words are chilling and no emotion save for anger plays on his face. There's an arm around his waist trying to ground him and Seungmin has never been so grateful for Hyunjin as he was then. The dancer makes sure to keep it there through his whole tirade.

"Don't worry Seungmin-ah. We'll do whatever it takes to make sure Channie knows he's loved and cared for." The vocalist regards them both for a second before his entire facade deflates and he's all soft eyes and a kind smile. The other boys in the room immediately relax, and Jeongin silently lets out a sigh of relief. 

"I know you two love him a lot, and that you have a weird way of showing it, but even after you guys work this out we need to set some lines. This can't happen again." Woojin and Changbin both nod in agreement as they settle back onto the bed. There's no use in staying up now when Chan was napping. 

"Don't waste time later hyungs. Please." Hyunjin's soft words barely reach them since he is under both Seungmin and Jeongin but the other two still hear him and give him reassuring smiles.

"Good. Now go to sleep you guys look like shit." 

"Seungmin!"

*

Woojin doesn't go to sleep. He can't. Not even after Changbin's light snores sound from where he is curled against his side, nor when Hyunjin starts mumbling some stuff about koalas in his sleep. He just can't sleep. There's a lot on his mind then. A lot of things that are making him question everything he worked for up until this point and how it could all be gone so quick. Chan and the boys could become a part of his past at any point, nothing is forever. He doesn't want to have any regrets or leave things halfway. 

_What if something happens and I don't get to tell Chan what I really feel?_

All of the thoughts are making his chest heavy and his heart feels as if it's stuck in a vice grip. The rapper next to him shifts and grumbles something before his eyes flutter open. 

"You okay hyung?" His voice low and grave from sleep and eyes droopy but Woojin still manages to see the worry in them. He can't bring himself to lie so he shakes his head as his breathing picks up again. Changbin is quick to sit up and wrap his arms around him, trying to settle him.

"How about we go eat something and then try to talk to Chan-hyung?" Woojin isn't ready, but he doubts he ever will be so he nods and takes a breath to calm himself. 

_Get yourself together. This isn't about you, it's about Chan._

*

When Chan wakes up again, he notices that he's once again back in his bedroom. He doesn't feel like an oven anymore so he guesses his fever came down. The ever present fatigue is also almost gone, the nap did him well. He checks the clock and sees it's already two in the afternoon. His stomach grumbles.

_Okay I should really eat something before the boys throw a fit._

Speaking of the boys, Minho and Jisung are wrapped around each other next to him on the bed, Minho's hand holding onto one of his own. Felix on the other hand is wrapped around him like an octopus, face pressed against his neck and Chan tries not to squirm as the boy's breaths tickle the sensitive skin. He's ticklish, sue him.

Carefully untangling himself from the younger aussie, Chan stands up. His legs and body overall still feel quite weak but he's much steadier on his feet than before. With small but secure steps the leader makes his way towards the kitchen. When he finally reaches the room he almost cries because he's proud of himself for not falling over. 

However, when Chan looks up from the floor in the doorway, his appetite disappears and he wants to cry for a whole other reason.

Right there, sitting at the dining table are the two people he wants to avoid the most. He sees Woojin's and Changbin's own eyes widen when they see him there. Chan doesn't know what to do, how to react for a moment. After a few awkward seconds he turns his eyes away and tries to make a getaway.

"Chan wait!"

_Chan. Not Channie._

He doesn't know why that hit him that hard as he freezes in the doorway, his back to the two boys in the kitchen. Maybe he's just that pathetic at this point.

"Please can we talk?" A sense of deja vu hits the leader and he is brought back to his conversation with Woojin right here just a couple of days ago. 

Chan swallows against the tightness in his throat before he turns around to face the two once again. His eyes never leave the ground though, he just doesn't have the courage to meet their eyes.

Woojin wants to cry at how small and fragile their leader looks right now standing in front of them. He sees him clutching onto the sleeves of the hoodie that is definitely too large for him, the way his eyes never come up to meet theirs, and the jittery shakes that Woojin doubts Chan is even aware of. 

"Hyung-" Chan immediately takes a step back, a pained, almost betrayed expression on his face and Changbin wants to slam his own head against the wall for his own stupidity.

The last time he called Chan hyung it was to insult him, _hurt_ him.

"No..wait... Channie-hyung... I'm so so sorry. Can we sit down and talk? I know you don't have any obligation to listen to our pleading right now and I totally understand If you don't want to talk or even listen for now but if maybe you do want to then le-"

"Let's talk." Chan's soft whisper stops Changbin's nervous rambling and the rapper looks like he could cry from relief. Woojin gestures towards one of the chairs next to them and Chan sits down on the one across from them both, the one _furthest_ away from them. 

"I'll go first, since this whole thing happened because of the stupid flash drive." Changbin takes a moment to compose himself before continuing.

"Hyu- no, Channie-hyung," at that Chan's eyes briefly flicker up to Changbin's before once again moving back to the surface of the table. Woojin has to fight back tears.

"I never meant anything of what I said. You're an amazing leader, an amazing _hyung_ , and there is nothing left for us to want from you. You love us all unconditionally, take the brunt of the company's wrath when we mess up, you're the one who brought us all together, made us who we are today. You give your all for us each and every day. I had no right to talk to you like that. You're my friend, my leader, but above all of that you're my big brother. And I love and appreciate you a lot. What I said was wrong and I know I hurt you. For that I'm so so _so_ sorry. There is honestly no way to express how sorry I am. Even if the drive really was gone, we could've worked something out. Or at the very least i could've handled myself much better than I actually had." By the time Changbin pauses to catch his breath, his voice is shaky and there are tears occasionally slipping out of the corners of his eyes. Woojin has a hand on his back, massaging comforting circles into the tense flesh there. The oldest sneaks a look at Chan. 

The boy is still staring at the table, his expression looking pinched and hands clasped together in front of him, knuckles white from how hard he's clenching them.

"The point of this is. I'm sorry. And I love you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I'll do whatever it takes for you to forgive me and trust me again when I tell you I love you. Because I know you don't now. We promised to protect one another and yet we were the ones to hurt you the most. I'm also sorry I forgot about your birthday. Doesn't matter what kind of day I had or that it wasn't an important milestone. It's the day of your birth and the day the world basically gifted you to us and it's supposed to be celebrated. Im sorry we didn't show you how much we appreciate you. I'm going to keep saying it until you forgive me and I forgive myself. I'm sorry hyung."

Chan recoils slightly and then freezes because everything Changbin said about _him_ was true. His mind won't let him rest. His head is constantly filled with bunch of what ifs that leave him reeling In the night.

What if the boys don't actually like his song? What If they're feeling pressured into performing them? What if Minho and Felix were better off staying off the team? What If he set them all up to fail? What If the boys didn't love _him_ after all?

A bunch of what ifs that constantly linger in his mind.

Instead of answering verbally he nods his head and even tries on a small, comforting smile. The effect is instant, Changbin's entire face crumbles as sobs make his entire small figure shake and tremble. Woojin is just a little better and that's because he's trying to comfort the youngest in the room. Chan was never one to stand by while his members are in distress so he shakily gets up and rounds the table, scooping the younger rapper into a hug. It seems to spur Changbin on even more as he buries his face against Chan's chest and continues sobbing, mumbling a bunch of "I'm sorrys, I love yous, I don't deserve yous, I hurt yous" and Chan only shushes him. He places a kiss on the top of his head and the younger practically melts. 

"It's okay, we'll make this right. I love you too Binnie." Even raspy with unuse, Chan's voice still manages to bring immense relief to the boy in question. Woojin stares at the sight in front of him with adoring eyes. 

_They'll be okay._

He locks gazes with Chan then and once again his heart plummets at the pain and fear that flicker through his eyes before his attention is once again demanded by Changbin's sniffles and the kind unguarded look is put back into place as the leader fusses over him. 

Woojin on the other hand takes a breath and steels himself.

His turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long things have been very hectic lately, some parts you've experienced yourself. Let's all stay strong Stays, for all 9 of them. 
> 
> One more chapter left.


	7. I got you

Chan isn't looking up from his hands as he twiddles with his own fingers. He's in the living room sitting on the couch, Woojin across from him on the loveseat. Changbin left them alone a couple of minutes ago after he promised Chan he'll do whatever it takes for the leader to trust him again. That left him with Woojin. The slightly older vocalist suggested they move to the living room and Chan followed to settle on the couch. That was roughly five minutes ago and they've been sitting in silence since then. 

Woojin had no idea how to go about this. There's so many things he has to say, so many things to apologize for and he doesn't know where to start. He clears his throat to bring Chan's attention to himself and force himself to actually start. Chan doesn't so much as glance his way but Woojin sees the slight flinch at the sound. 

_Woojin you fucking asshole._

"I guess the best way to go about this is to first say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you, for forgetting your birthday, for not being at your side, for leaving you alone." Woojin doesn't want to stop because he's afraid that if he does, Chan won't hear him out till the end. He does sneak a glance at the younger while he speaks and sees Chan biting his lower lip as he listens.

"I lied." Chan lifts his head at that, confusion swirling in his eyes. 

"Lied about what? Being sorry?" Woojin's eyes almost pop out of his sockets when he realizes how his words must've sounded and he quickly shakes his head.

"No! No Channie, god no. That's not what I meant." Chan seems almost frustrated at this point and Woojin doesn't blame him.

"Then what do you mean Woojin? Please tell me already because I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you just waiting for you to blow up on me again for breathing. I'm tired." He's breathing heavily at the end of his tirade, eyes filled with tears and heart ready for another altercation.

What he doesn't expect is Woojin's face crumpling and tears falling over his rosy cheeks. He stands shocked for a moment. Sure he's seen Woojin cry before but now he has no idea why the older is crying. Did he go too far?

"I lied about not caring Channie. I care a lot. I care about your health, your happiness, your smile. And yet I'm one of the main reasons those things broke. I know I need to express my emotions better and I was in the wrong all along. I said things that I don't mean, that I could _never_ mean and I hurt you. I hurt you a lot. And just like Binnie, I know you won't trust me when I tell you that I love you but I'm willing to do anything to get you to believe me again. You're a precious person to me Chan, and I almost ruined it all." Woojin sits down as he finishes, all of the adrenaline leaving his body as he sinks further into the seat. He closes his eyes as he wait for Chan's reaction. Any kind of reaction really. Because his eyes are closed he doesn't see Chan getting up from the couch and approaching him slowly. He almost jumps out of his skin when he gets a lap full of the leader.

"Chan?" The younger doesn't say anything and instead wraps his arms and legs around Woojin's waist, effectively clinging onto him. He proceeds to bury his head into the crook of his neck and sighs deeply. Woojin is a bit hesitant as his hands hover in the air, not sure if Chan would be okay with him touching him. Chan whines when he doesn't get the safe arms around him and that's all the lead Woojin needs before he wraps his arms around Chan and pulls him tight against himself. They sit in silence for a while, before Chan's croaky whisper tickles Woojin's ear.

"I really thought you didn't care... you scared me Woojin. You _yelled_ at me. Twice. This whole time I've spent thinking what have I done wrong to deserve to be treated like that. No, don't apologize anymore. I get that you're sorry and I accept your apology but I need to share what I feel as well." Woojin only tightens his hold on him and blinks back tears that are threatening to overflow. 

"It hurt a lot. It still does whenever I remember it and it's going to take a while before things go back to how they were because I just can't do this again. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I found family in you guys. I found hope again and a home. The thought that parts of it could be fake scares me. I don't want to lose any of you because I care for you. The possibility that you might not feel the same tears at me. Yes you say you lied, Changbin apologized as well and I really do want to believe you because everything we've been through so far there hadn't been a moment to make me think otherwise. Just... give me time." All the tension seeps out of Chan's body as he finishes and he practically melts in Woojin's arms. He hasn't moved his head from its place in the vocalists neck since he first got himself into his lap. Woojin's voice is shaky and his cheeks are wet when he speaks.

"Take all the time you need Channie." Chan hums and nuzzles further into Woojin's chest, the tickling sensation almost making Woojin squirm but he stays still in fear of scaring Chan away. 

"I missed you Woojinnie. I missed your warmth." That's way more than Woojin can handle and his frame starts shaking as soft sobs rip through him. He doesn't deserve Chan. He really doesn't. Someone so kind and gentle and _understanding._

"I missed you too Channie."

*  
That's how Hyunjin and Seungmin find them an hour later. Chan curled up into Woojin's chest with the older's arms tight around him, both boys sound asleep. The two coo at their hyungs and smile at each other. 

"Should we wake them so they can go to bed?" Hyunjin asks, face in an almost pained grimace at the thought of disturbing the two oldest. Seungmin sighs disappointed as well but ultimately nods.

"As much as I don't want to bother them, Chan-hyung needs to drink his medicine it's been too long and his fever could get high again. Woojin-hyung could also get back pains and we really don't need that just before the comeback." Hyunjin pouts but makes his way towards the two sleeping boys and gently lays his hand on one of Woojin's arms.

"Hyung? You need to wake up and go to bed. Hyung?" Woojin only mumbles something in his sleep and turns his head the other way, away from Hyunjin. The younger almost seems offended by this and Seungmin snickers in the background. 

"Shut it and come here to help me wake them out _without_ getting water or even worse, Jisung." Seungmin shakes his head fondly but comes closer to the two all the same. 

"Woojin wake up."

"Pretty sure there's supposed to be a hyung there." The deep, sleep-filled voice croaks out and Woojin squints one of his eyes open to glare jokingly at the vocalist. Hyunjin throws his hands up in exasperation and huffs.

"You wake up to _disrespect_ but completely ignore my gentle coaxing?!" Seungmin doubles over in laughter as Hyunjin's voice goes higher and higher during his small outburst. 

"Keep it down, you're going to wake up Chan. And what about it Hyunjin?" The arched eyebrow does wonders in shutting Hyunjin up and Woojin gives a gentle smile in victory. Seungmin gathers himself at last and proceeds to look at the second oldest still sleeping on Woojin's chest.

"As much as I hate to do it, he needs to drink his medicine. Then you two can go to sleep again. In a proper bed this time." The last part sounds almost like a threat and Woojin lifts one of his arms up in surrender with a chuckle. He turns his attention to the boy curled up in his lap then. It's been a while since he has seen Chan look so peaceful. His face is smushed against his chest, lips forming a pout and cheeks tinted with red. Woojin frowns a bit, Chan does feel a bit warm. 

"Did you bring the medicine with you?" Seungmin nods and pulls out the two tablets from the pocket, Hyunjin rushes out of the room to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. 

Woojin reaches up to bury his hand in Chan's curles, working out the knots and scratching gently at his skull. He leans in closer and whispers gently in the younger's ear. He really doesn't want to shock him into being awake.

"Channie, you need to wake up. It's time to take your medicine, your fever is going up again." Seungmin watches with a smile as Chan practically whines in his sleep and just pulls himself closer to Woojin.

_This is how it should be._

The younger couldn't be any happier that they're finally working things out and coming back together, slowly but surely. Woojin snorts and this time shakes Chan's shoulder. Chan grumbles something under his breath but squints his eyes open and pulls away from Woojin's chest. Only so much that he can look the older in the eyes.

"I'm up, I'm up. What?" A giggle interrupts Woojin who was ready to answer and they see Hyunjin standing in the doorway with the glass of water. He continues to snicker as he approaches the trio.

"Medicine time. _After that_ you can go to sleep." Chan blinks slowly, bleary eyes trying to focus on the two small tablets now in Hyunjin's outstretched hand. When he makes no movement to take them, Woojin reaches for them and plops one into Chan's mouth, the latter automatically shutting his jaw. By the time Woojin has the water in his hands and is leaning it for Chan to drink, the tablet has started do dissolve and the bitter taste has Chan much more awake.

"You could've warned me. This tastes awful." 

"Shush and drink the water." Chan does as he is told then takes the other pill by himself and swallows it as fast as he can. He groans at the aftertaste and falls forward, head tucking back into Woojin's neck.

"Never make me drink those again." The trio chuckles and Woojin brings his hand back to tangle in Chan's hair, the younger hums at the feeling.

"Then don't get sick again." He hears nothing except for a mumble that sounded suspiciously like Chan was mocking him. Woojin rolls his eyes and turns his attention to the two boys still standing next to them.

"Where are the other boys?" The two cast a glance at Chan, who has now turned his head to look at them but made no effort to lift himself up from Woojin. Hyunjin clears his throat and Woojin can tell that what's about to come out of his mouth is a complete lie.

"They went out for a movie. They wanted to invite you two as well but didn't want to wake you up any earlier than necessary." That's probably a lie, if the non stop fidgeting of the younger's hands is anything to go by. Woojin lets it slide though, he has an idea as to what they're actually up to. Chan only blinks at the two, trying to figure out where to place his thoughts but ultimately gives up. His head is too fuzzy with sleep, tiredness and fever to think straight. 

"When will they be coming back?" Seungmin and Hyunjin share a look then shrug. The others really didn't mention any specific time. 

"Probably in two to three hours. They'll be back for lunch." Woojin nods and the two start backing up slowly towards the exit of the living room.

"Well, we're going to the arcade. You two should go to bed and nap a but more. Do you need help with Channie-hyung?" For a moment Woojin doesn't understand what Seungmin means, but then he looks down at the younger in his lap and sees that Chan's eyes are closed again and his breathing is evened out. He smiles and brushes some stray locks away from the sleeping boy's forehead.

"No, it's okay. I got him. Have fun you two." A chorus of "will dos" and "bye hyungs" is heard and Woojin sighs fondly as he hears the front door click closed behind the two. The dorm is eerily quiet then. It's a bit unnerving if you ask Woojin. 

Blinking the urge to fall asleep out of his eyes, Woojin hoists Chan just a bit higher and stands up with little effort. The fact that the younger weighs almost like a feather worries him a little but he leaves that for a later time. Now, sleep. Chan mumbles something at the shift but stays asleep. Hooking his arms more firmly under Chan's thighs, Woojin makes his way slowly to the room Chan sleeps in. The bed there are already put together and maybe it's excessive for the two of them but the soft, spacious heaven that is the beds looks amazing right now. After carefully depositing Chan on the bed, Woojin starts pulling back to reach and get one of the blankets strewn at the foot of the bed. Before he can fully straighten his back though, there's a hand grabbing at his wrist. His head snaps back towards Chan, worried he might need something, he's slightly surprised when he sees the fear in the barely open eyes.

"Are you leaving me?" The absolute hurt and fear in those four words has Woojin frantically shaking his head and grabbing at the hand that is clasped around his wrist.

"No Channie, of course not. I'm just getting the blanket. Not leaving you, I promise. Can you let me do that? Get the blanket so we don't get cold?" He knows Chan is half-asleep and probably won't even remember this moment later on but he still keeps his voice as soft and gentle as possible, eyes kind and a fond smile on his face. Chan seems to relax a little and nods, although reluctant in letting go of Woojin's hand. But true to his words, Woojin is back within his eyesight in less than five seconds and Chan can't help the swell in his chest. 

Woojin arranges the blankets around the bed and throws one over Chan before wiggling under it himself. The younger wastes no time in latching back onto him, arms and legs, all of it. His nose is cold when he nuzzles against Woojin's neck and the older shivers and lets out a giggle that makes Chan himself smile. Woojin wraps him back up in his arms and they both sigh as they settle into each other's comfortable embrace and the soft bed. 

"Sleep tight."

"You too Wooj."

*  
It's the hunger that wakes up Chan the next time. The bed is empty next to him and he tries not to feel sad, but he misses the warmth. He stretches and groans and bones crack and muscles shift. A glance at the clock tells him it's 2pm. Just in time for lunch. He gets up and is pleasantly surprised when he doesn't feel like he's about to pass out. As he exits the bedroom he hears hushed voices coming from the kitchen.

_Oh the boys must be back._

The dorm is pitch black which greatly confuses him, considering it's the middle of the afternoon. He's two steps away from the kitchen when the entire conversation stops and he hears a hurried "he's coming he's coming". At this point utterly confused he enters the kitchen cautiously only to shut his eyes at the sudden attack of the lights getting turned on. He hears a few pops that sound suspiciously like confetti and only then registers the sound of singing. He opens his eyes and squints against the light, taking in the eight boys gathered around the kitchen counter singing 'Happy birthday', a cake on the middle that says 'Happy birthday the our best leader'. The entire kitchen is decorated now that he actually looks at it, and in the corner on one of the chairs, a bunch of presents sit piled up. Chan turns his attention back towards the boys as they finish the song and just stands there, mouth slightly agape in shock. They said they would make it up to him but he didn't expect _this_.   
As the boys laugh fondly at his expression and come over to hug him tightly, he feels the warm sensation spreading inside his chest. It fills him with warmth and love and comfort. Every 'Happy birthday hyung.' or a joking 'Hapoy birthday old man.' makes his heart swell just a bit more.

As the feeling grows, the bursting sensation overwhelms him and happy tears start to make trails down his cheeks, he feels happy, he feels loved.

They'll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh.... I'm finally done with this hehe? My first semester still isn't over and it's finals season so I've been trying not to FAIL my classes and I'm doing good so far. This is the first fic I've finished and I'm not entirely happy with it and I'll maybe come back to rewrite it at some point but for now it is what it is. I hope you liked it and it made you feel something because that was my intention. Thank you to everyone who has read it all and stuck through the slow ass updates whoops Hope you like my future works as well (if I ever get to writing them)
> 
> oh and.... WOOJIN OPENED AN IG ACCOUNT SJDJDJDUDDJ lemme tell you I SCREECHED I hope he's doing well and is happy :') 
> 
> -Tiki

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on twitter uwu @straydionysus


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